Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
