i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
