the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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