I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
