Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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