No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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