Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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