I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
