You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
