last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
