he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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