I bet he comes in French.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
