Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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