If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
