Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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