you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize