I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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