i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
