i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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