I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
