no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
