I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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