Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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