We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
