Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
