Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
