ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
