Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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