when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
