i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
