you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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