I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
