I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize