I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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