The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
