the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
