i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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