I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
