For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
