i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
