I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
