I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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