heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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