so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
