That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
