Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
