I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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