So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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