you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
