How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ugly people sure do ruin things
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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